Three Lost

This post may be offensive to some . Please use your own discretion.


When BooBoo was three in 1957, Mum became pregnant again . Everything was going normally in the pregnancy and she would be due in late spring .

 However , Mum couldn't get excited about preparing for this child as she had done for her previous three . Perhaps , it was the worry that another mouth to feed would put a strain on already less-than-needed money .Perhaps, it was concern that something would go wrong . She never did say anything except that she could not feel the same way about this baby but didn't know why .

The neighbours invited some friends over for dinner and a Friday night house party . Mum , seven months pregnant , and Dad were invited over for the 'get together' . As the evening wore on , one fellow had too much to drink and decided to display his prowess in a step dance for everyone's entertainment . Mum sat on the sofa waiting for a reasonable time to leave without being rude . This was getting too rowdy for her liking .

The stepdancer was having a time trying to maintain balance . He was too inebriated to have any control and down he went . Full weight onto Mum's pregnant stomach . The pain was unbearable . Mum had Dad bring her home . Dad went back to the party after settling her into bed . She was in a lot of pain . Within two days she knew something was wrong . Her pain was gone , but there was no movement from her baby .

The doctor confirmed that the baby had been fatally injured . There was no heartbeat . He induced labour and Mum gave birth to a stillborn child . She spent the two days in the hospital crying for the child that she could not bond with during her pregnancy . Now , any opportunity to do so was lost . After she returned home , she never talked more than to say " I lost the baby ." Mum went into a severe depression that lasted more than a year .

In two years , she became pregnant again but miscarried by the second month .

In 1963 , a third pregnancy went awry . Mum started bleeding one  Sunday in July in the third month of her pregnancy . My Aunt came over to help Mum . All of the children were sent outside with the cousins . I stayed near the window where I could hear Mum attempting to suppress her pain . I was twelve . I knew this was serious and that Mum was hurting . Finally , things went quiet . Then Mum wailed in a way I had never heard before - a sound that started as a mewling that built into an explosion and ended in wracking sobs that hurt my ribs . " What's wrong ,Mum ?" I screamed at the open window to the insideout room .

Auntie came to the window to say that Mum would be alright in a while . But I demanded to know what was happening . I wanted to see my mother . Then I heard Mum's voice instructing Auntie to gather the girls and tell them what had happened . Auntie came outside . She called her three daughters and Sis and I to her . Quietly , she explained what a miscarriage was and lifted one of Mum's delicately embroidered hankerchiefs for us to see .

Carefully , she unwrapped the hanky to show us the aborted fetus... small... white . Recognizable as a human who hadn't been able to go any further . As I stared at the black dot that was it's eye , I promised myself that I would never get pregnant . I did not think that I could take this . If it could hurt Mum who was so strong and capable , then I surely would never be able to manage the loss .

Mum quietly and alone went to bury her third loss in a special place somewhere in the bush behind the house . She was there for quite a while .

The doctor told Mum and Dad that she was not to get pregnant again with an especially strong message to Dad that another pregnancy could kill her . Dad left the office in a rage .